Why do we stay with our abusive bad boys?

Coercive control is essentially a form of abuse when an abuser takes control of our actions and physical reality.

Other people tell us what to do, who to see, what to wear and how to spend our life . It is not for us to make decisions and our opinion on the matter is irrelevant.

Coercive control is a form of manipulation that starts with an abuser charming themselves into our life because they have their own plans for us (romantic abuse, abuse of friendship and professional connections). 

We love them because they know us better than anyone else and they are our soulmate or a kindred spirit. In reality any predator, and an abuser is a human predator, studies their victim to create a strategy of attack.

When you talk, they are genuinely interested, they ask you questions and learn your likes and dislikes, they find your soft spots, and they use this information to attract you to them.

They promise everything you’ve ever wanted, they paint a picture of your own Mr Right and your love that mask that they show you.

And once your are enslaved by your love, you will do anything for them.

Gradually they start to show their true colours but you make excuses grabbing onto your “ideal world “ you thought you had. 

This process is exhausting and eventually, when the illusion is shuttered, there is no strength to get out of an abusing relationship. 

If you put an alive toad in a pot of cold water and start heating the water up, the toad will increase the temperature with the temperature of the water. When the temperature would get critical the toad would not have the energy to jump out because all the energy was spent to keep as warm as the water. 

Don’t be a silly toad and analyse your life situation and, when you understand the things are hotting up, jump out for your life. 

Take care of yourself and if you want my professional help, please email oksana@myoksana.com. 

Your Oksana xx